For example, if you are caught in a rut of self-doubt and unsure of your ability to contribute to a relationship, you may inadvertently lower your standards and date someone with whom you would not normally be comfortable. Anderson writes that, "The more you have to offer in a relationship, the more you can expect in return, thus increasing your appropriate social price." Divorce can be harmful to your confidence because it can be perceived as a failure, according to Richard Kennedy, relationship coach and creator of Relationship
Kennedy encourages divorcees to give themselves time to rebuild their confidence before dating.
While the desire for new romance is generally reasonable and expected, it requires a period of adjustment.
While socialization continues after you are settled into a marriage, the dynamics of a new romantic relationship become unnecessary to maintain.
Divorce can be stressful at best and devastating at worst. There is emotional, financial and even social turmoil -- potential relocation and distancing from friends, schools and workplaces.
When these effects have been integrated into the lives of those immediately involved, one or both divorcees may begin dating.
You can manage these issues by seeing a counselor, developing healthy means of coping, exercising self-care, communicating assertively and setting firm, healthy personal boundaries.
"Social Pricing" is a term coined by David Anderson, associate professor of economics at Centre College in Danville, Ky., in his article for Psychology Today, "Dating After Divorce." This means that you adjust your standards based on your own perceived value.
Having spent more than a decade working with victims of sexual and domestic violence, she specializes in writing about women's issues, with emphasis on families and relationships.
This maturational process resembles what children go through as they separate from their parents and take responsibility for their lives.
Prior to healthy separation, teenagers often blame their parents for their unhappiness, feel like victims and angrily cite their parents' shortcomings (e.g., "they're too self-centered" or "they don't understand me") as causes for the problems.
Basic requirements for ex-spousal dating exploration include a significant duration between divorce and dating, a strong belief in change, and considerable courage to go back into a potentially stressful relationship with "old baggage" that may trigger unresolved bad feelings, no matter how good one's intentions.
Between divorce and deciding to date, a highly important personal development needs to occur, what psychologists call "separation and individuation".
A hopeful story is about a couple who had a long standing fight when they were married; the woman would tell rather long, involved stories as she presented her "anxious case" about a relational problem.